Iranian President to visit Iraq

This is the picture that accompanies the story and this is the story in the press:

"The Iranian President will be visiting for two days from March 2. He will be meeting with President Jalal Talabani and with Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki," Government spokesman Ali al-Dabbagh said.

"He will be accompanied by a number of ministers."

Iran and Iraq fought a devastating war between 1980 and 1988 in which around 1 million people died."

Interestingly enough the picture of the President poses readers some interesting questions about what he is really saying, in Persian of course while conversing with journalists.

I would like to think that it's something like this:

"Yeah I know - you all think I have to be crazy to even contemplate visiting Iraq while the Americans, who have labelled me as being part of an "Axis of Evil" and hell bent on building nuclear weapons, so that I can start a nuclear holocaust in the Middle East, are there in force.

You would be wrong!

The Americans will actually protect me in the same way that they did at the UN recently, probably because of some misguided notions concerning diplomatic immunity.

You may think I am crazy to visit Iraq, where there are people who are letting off car bombs left right and centre killing people indiscriminately and where the regime I lead is remembered for having killed hundreds of thousands of those, whose relatives have been left behind.

You would be wrong!

The Americans will protect me from that too. Besides, since my lot supplies most of the material for the bombs, they would be crazy to eliminate their major source of supplies.

You may think that the Israelis, whom I have sworn to eliminate from the face of the earth, will let off a car bomb, just like the one in Syria the other day, that I, along with others allege, took out my dear friend and colleague, Imad Mughnieh.

Of course you know Imad, he's been on the most wanted terrorist list for ages. He's the guy alleged to have been involved with the terrorist bombing of the US marine barracks in Beirut in 1983 and the hijacking of a TWA flight in 1985 .

Don't believe what the Israelis are saying, denying responsibility or indeed involvement - that's just propaganda.

I can recognise that easily enough - after all I fabricate so much of the stuff myself, I would be crazy not to!

And of course you would be wrong again - the Americans will protect me from them too - generally they do what they are told when their actions would embarrass their major arms supplier.

My appearance? What's wrong with my appearance?

Oh that! That's due solely to the bad hair days I have been having recently and the fact that I have not been able to shave for at least a week or two.

Why not?

Well that's just a tad embarrassing.

You see my own hand is what I really worry about. It's unsteady when it holds a cut throat razor in the mornings!

Why not use a safety razor?

I can't afford to be seen with an American product like a safety razor!

Why not use an electric razor?

Well I have to admit, we have been having a few issues with the supply of electricity recently, in spite of the fact that we have quite a lot of the world's oil supplies - that's why we are building some nuclear reactors.

Don't be silly!

Why use our oil supplies to generate electricity?

It's far better to sell the stuff to you lot, at highly inflated prices. That is the policy of our brothers who form the OPEC oil cartel after all.

I guess I will just have to wait a while until those reactors are completed."